Why women don't love nice guys

Put your hand up! How many desperate men are there out there who classify themselves as nice, understanding and gentle, and yet sit alone in front of the TV on a Sunday evening and ask their role model Kai Pflaume (an apparently nice, understanding, but also a ladies' man) the question of their lives: Why doesn't any woman want me?

Before I answer that, let's define the typical characteristics of a Mr. Nice Guy. Just so that the men who shave in front of the bathroom mirror with a poster of Sylvester Stallone in the morning in boundless self-denial can recognize themselves.

Perfect: a body as hard as steel without a brain!

You have tons of beautiful, intelligent women in your circle of friends, each of whom you have desired at some point. Each of these women acknowledged your confession – made in a classy Italian restaurant, holding a bouquet of a thousand red roses (at least!) - as follows: You're a really nice guy and I really like you, but only as a friend.

And because you're such a really nice guy … you bowed to the request Let's stay friends, shall we? instead of telling the bitch that she could at least spread her legs once for the expensive meal.

For example, like she does for her monthly changing idiot of a boyfriend who beats her up at least twice a week and also cheats on her with her best friend. How do you know that? After all, you're her counselor. Your number is saved at the top of your friend's speed dial buttons on her phone. Under Grandma or Tanja, of course, because the southern guys she's currently hanging out with are insanely jealous.

She usually calls at 3 a.m., when the violet is still in bloom and she had reconciliatory sex with him five minutes ago. With beautiful regularity, she plunges the rusty nail file deeper into your heart with If only he was a bit like you! while she smears your Walmart shirt with waterproof and detergent-proof mascara.

A bit like you?

Girl, this is 100%, why can't you get that through your stupid blonde head? Nevertheless, you wait, because you're quite sure that at some point she'll shoot off that muscle-bound bug brain and realize that you're the one.

Yes, and time proves you right in one respect: one day she'll be standing outside your door, howling until your laminate floor is rippling. He's gone, run away, an ass who can only think with his dick, and you were so right and everything. You've been ready to take over for years, so to speak, and are already rolling up your sleeves when she suddenly says You, your boyfriend, Sebastian: is he actually still single?. And at that exact moment, you wish you could go back to burning witches.

But because you're a really nice guy … you'll be her best man when she marries Sebastian next week.

Your ex-girlfriends, who have strayed into your life for a short time in a fit of compassion (and because compassionate aid organizations were in at the time), only speak good things about you without exception. Namely that you are tender, understanding and a good listener and that you were always there for them when they needed you. And that you are, of course, the best partner a woman could wish for.

But you've heard the phrase You're my best buddy and the only one who really understands me! so often that you must have the copyright on it by now. When asked why they left you, they say that they don't know themselves and will probably regret it at some point. The whole world now thinks you're a huge loser in bed. You regret that you didn't live out your sado-maso bondage fantasies in your relationship out of consideration.

But because you're a really nice guy … you're still tender, understanding, a good listener and always there for them even after the break-up (even if you somehow subconsciously realize that they haven't really lost anything and that you're just stupid).

At the disco, you often have long and serious conversations with women. You've handed them a glass of water after a heated dance and complimented them on their charisma and earrings. Each is impressed by your intelligence, knowledge, humor and reserved manner. She is pleased with your interest in what she does and what moves her. All the other men who would normally approach her are only interested in one thing. A few minutes later, she leaves with the dubious-looking guy who ends your conversation with the words You've got a hot ass! Are you coming to my place?, she leaves the disco.

But because you're a really nice guy … you drive after her and wait outside the dilapidated prefabricated building in an area where you wouldn't even trust an 80-year-old nun to come out. At dawn, she leaves the building in a panic with a tear-stained face and torn clothes. You drive the shivering heap of misery home and she gratefully promises to get in touch with you. You drive about 10 km back until you realize that you haven't even exchanged phone numbers.

Do you recognize yourself?

You've been sitting in front of the screen and shouting for 10 minutes: Yes, exactly! But why is that?

Reason 1: Someone who can listen to a woman as well as you do at any time of the day or night is rare.
And that's your death sentence, because to put it in the words of a bulemic woman: I never eat where I vomit. For you, this means that although she likes to unload her worries on you, she will get her fun elsewhere and not from you – her mental dumping ground.
Reason 2: Nice men are boring.
They don't hold out the tingling promise of an exciting Marlboro Man with a three-day beard adventure. Women are horse whisperers; they want to tame wild stallions, not ride the pony carousel.
Reason 3: Women don't know what they want and are grateful when someone takes the decision off their hands.
Men like you, who leave all options open to them and signal to them: It will turn out the way you like it; I will do everything you say; I will be there when you ask for me will unfortunately also have to ask Uh … where do you want to go? when their beloved leaves with the guy who tells her You want to go to bed with me, admit it!.
Reason 4: Probably the decisive factor is the fact that somewhere in the great book of human history it is written that nice men are not allowed to get together with nice women.
Apparently this is a physical and psychological polarity problem, comparable to a magnet. + and + repel each other.

So what does that mean for you?

Become an inconsiderate asshole who is completely oblivious to a woman's feelings.

But because you're a really nice guy … you'll continue to stick to your guns and hope that the laws of physics will change at some point.